Í form

11. apríl 2006

Ég lenti í því um daginn að grennast. Fólk spyr mig stöðugt hvernig ég fór að því og ég er orðinn dauðþreyttur á því, því eins og allir vita, þá er ekkert leiðinlegra en að hitta gamla vini og það fyrsta sem þeir segja er "vá, ferlega ertu orðinn grannur og stæltur og vel vaxinn og almennt fallegur, you sexy thing". Óþolandi.

Til að stöðva þennan óþverra ætla ég að lýsa því í eitt skipti fyrir öll hvernig ég fór að.

Ég læt klukkuna alltaf vekja mig klukkan 5 á morgnana svo ég geti ælt og grátið smá (tárin losa um salt sem bindur vökva, svo það er betra að vera óhamingjusamur). Svo fer ég aftur að sofa. Klukkan sjö fer ég á fætur og sprauta mig með rafgeymasýru sem veldur brennandi sársauka sem útilokar hugsanir um mat. Sýran veldur líka ógleði, svo ef ég er heppinn næ ég að æla svolítið hressilega. Klukkan átta fer ég í ræktina þar sem ég puða þar til ég svitna seigum, brúnleitum vökva sem getur leyst upp málma. Í hádeginu fer ég á klósettið þar sem ég sniffa amfetamín og æli. Síðan fer ég í mötuneytið og sleiki salatblað. Fæ alltaf pínulítið samviskubit yfir því, en maður verður víst að nærast. Eftir hádegismatinn finnst mér gott að drekka fimmtán bolla af kaffi, sem ég æli auðvitað aftur, enda inniheldur hver bolli talsvert af þúsundum úr hitaeiningu.

Ég elda mér alltaf hamborgara í kvöldmat. Svo horfi ég á hann á meðan ég brenni á mér handlegginn með kveikjara og öskra og græt, en eftir það hendi ég hamborgaranum. Svo sprauta ég mig með heróíni, æli pínulítið, og ef ég er í stuði fæ ég mér meiri rafgeymasýru. Svo tek ég alltaf eina góða stólpípu fyrir svefninn, en það hjálpar mér að melta kolvetnin sem ég sleikti af salatblaðinu í hádeginu. Í rúminu les ég Biblíu fallega fólksins og strýk yfir myndirnar af Gillzenegger með fingurgómunum. Á meðan sýg ég gamlan frottésokk, úr honum fæ ég nauðsynlegan dagsskammt af trefjum.

Ég fann þessa tækni sjálfur upp og kalla hana "Gleðikúrinn®". Bókin kemur út í næsta mánuði. Ég veit að þetta hentar ekki öllum, en búi maður yfir agnarlítilli sjálfsstjórn þá er þetta alveg málið.

Nei, ég er nú að plata pínu. Galdurinn sem ég beitti til að komast aftur í mitt gamla góða form var að borða minna og hreyfa mig meira. En það trúir því nú enginn. Það er nefnilega bannað að komast í form í dag nema maður éti pillur og prótínhristinga og fylgi Atkins-kúrum, kolvetnakúrum, South beach-kúrum, Hollywood-kúrum, dönskum kúrum eða kúr-kúrum og borði ekkert nema bygggraut úr trogi. En það er einhvernveginn ekki minn stíll.


Tjáskipti

Lindablinda

Ég tala daglega fyrir daufum eyrum. L: en þú hefur þyngst - hefurðu verið að mæta? K: ....j..já. L: En ertu þá að borða eitthvað meira? K: ...n..nei...? L: Þá er bara að æla meira!!! Múhahaha!........... Nei. Þetta er basic 101. What goes in must be used - otherwise it stays in - and on.

Hugi

Hmmm, "K"... Kalli?

Lindablinda

Hahahahaha! Nei......... bara kúnni.

Kalli

Ég ét eins og svín. Ég þyngist ekki nema ég hreyfi mig. Ég hefði gott af því að bæta á mig ca. 5 kílóum, jafnvel 10. En það þyrfti þá líka að vera í formi vöðva. Þegar fólk segir að það sé ekki auðvelt að vera fallegur er það að bulla. En líklega veit það bara ekki betur því það hefur ekki hitt mig. Annars finnst mér heróínparturinn af gleðikúrnum heillandi. Ég er viss um að ef ég myndi pumpa á fullu og sprauta mig myndi ég líta út eins og sambland af Iggy Pop og Chris Cornell. Fyrir þá sem ekki þekkja Chris Cornell þá spilaði hann á gítar og söng í Soundgarden. Ef þið þekkið ekki Soundgarden þá syngur hann líka í Audioslave en ég vil ekki tala um það.

Stefán Arason

Er næring í ælu? Nei, bara að pæla....

Hugi

Já, Kalli, það er erfitt fyrir menn eins og okkur að fela fegurðina sem hreinlega frussast allsstaðar út úr manni. Hvað varðar kúrinn, þá finnst mér rafgeymasýran skemmtilegri en heróínið. A.m.k. fyrstu mínútuna, áður en h´ún byrjar að bræða æðaveggina.

anna

Mér finnst ungir menn eins og þú eigi ekki að tala um það á opinberum vettvangi að þeir hafi lést og að allir eigi að vera léttir og að lífið snúist um megrun og að þeir geti farið að gráta. Ungir menn þurfa að taka ábyrgð á orðræðu sinni. ps. þú ert líklega með þann albesta húmor sem ég hef nokkru sinni lesið OG AF HVERJU ER MÉR ALDREI BOÐIÐ Í RAFGEYMASÝRU? HA? ÞÚ VEIST HVAÐ MÉR FINNST ÞAÐ GOTT! MÚHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO

Sveinbjörn

"Galdurinn sem ég beitti til að komast aftur í mitt gamla góða form var að borða minna og hreyfa mig meira" - Hugi Þórðarson Já, ég lifi viðbjóðslegum lífstíl -- ég borða nær eingöngu draslmat, heng fyrir framan tölvuna allan daginn og hreyfi mig aldrei *shudder*, enda slíkt bara fyrir fegurðarmeðvitaða apa ;). Nei, mitt trikk er einfalt: Blekking á blóðsykursmekanisma líkamans. Ég vakna upp úr hádegi, og í stað þess að fá mér morgunmat þá fæ ég mér glas af kóki og reyki eina eða tvær sígarettur. Þetta heldur mér góðum í svona 5 klst. að því gefnu að kókið og sígaretturnar renni ekki að þrotum, en þá er kominn kvöldmatartími. Kaupi ég mér einhvern greasy viðbjóð, ét hann, reyki meira, svolgra síðan í mig kóki þar til ég sofna snemma um morguninn og sef órólegum kaffeinsvefni. Já, þetta er lífstíllinn, fólk. Ég er í *kjörþyngd* ;)

Hugi

Anna, AUÐVITAÐ ertu alltaf velkomin í rafgeymasýru, veit ekki hvað ég hef verið að pæla að gefa þér aldrei að smakka. Spurning hvort þið kíkið ekki niður um hæð á páskadag og við getum þá deilt saman einum bikar af henni, eins og Jesús og lærisveinarnir forðum. Þetta er gott stöff. og að fá húmorsstimpilinn frá þér er náttúrulega eins og að heyra orðin "vá - þú ert með stærstu tungu sem ég hef á ævinni séð" frá Gene Simmons. Sveinbjörn, ég vil gjarnan tileinka þínum lífsstíl kafla í bókinni um Gleðikúrinn®, hann er til fyrirmyndar. Ungt fólk hefur ekki svona aga í dag, ég kenni versnandi uppeldi um.

Logi Helgu

Ákaflega skemmtileg lestning...nú vantar bara "leiknu" heimildarmyndina :)

Daníel

Úúúú... er minn bara farinn að slá um sig með tilvitnunum í meðlimi Kiss? Er semsagt tónlistarskorpan farin að skila árangri? Megum við eiga von á að sjá Huga Þórðarson svart- og hvítmálaðan í framan á næsta Smalagiggi? Hlakka til.

Lindablinda

Sveinbjörn. Maður borðar ekki hengikjöt, er það nokkuð? Hugi - ég tek undir með önnu. Það hafa fáir náð því að sárgræta mig af hlátri. Þú og Pedroinn eigið stóran þátt í krampakenndum innsogs símtölum blindunnar þar sem hún reynir að breiða út boðskapinn, en frussar bara í tólið í staðinn. Kannski þess vegna sem enginn svarar lengur?

Mjása

Kalli, hvað finnst þér um sólódiskinn hans Krissa? Af hverju hætti hann sólóinu og fór í Audioslave? Hljómsveitin dregur úr kúlleika hans. Það finnst alla vega þessari læðu.

Kalli

Ég held ég hafi heyrt eitt lag af þessum sólódisk og það var bara OK held ég. Var þetta samt ekki allt down hill eftir Soundgarden? Reyndar er ég enginn aðdáandi enda lítið fyrir grunge en Soundgarden er alveg hægt að hlusta á.

Hugi

Linda, nei, ég held að ég hafi aldrei séð hengikjöt borðað. Ef frá eru taldar nokkrar myndir með John Holmes, sem ég vil helst ekki tala um. En ég þakka fögur orð í minn garð. Og tek undir Pedró-hlutann, hann er húmorsleg ástin mín eina. Daníel, ég hlusta raunar ekki á Kiss, en ég er mikill áhugamaður um tungur. Og í sumar mun ég fara upp í Biskupstungur til að fylgjast með ráðstefnu samkynhneigðra kórdrengja. Og fyrir ykkur hin sem eruð að spjalla um Audioslave, þá vil ég benda á að það eru til úrræði fyrir svona fólk. Það er bara málið að leita hjálpar nógu snemma, og ekki vera feiminn.

Kalli

Í nafni alls þess sem heilagt er... ekki bendla MIG við þann hroðbjóð sem Audioslave er!!! Ég er sómakær maður!

Lois Hennessy

Hello from SendBulkMails.com, We have a special limited offer for you to send unlimited emails. We allow non-permission based emails and you won't ever get blocked. We also buy your domain for you and give you a clean IP and setup your DNS records. Check us out on SendBulkMails.com

Marietta Allman

Hello from BestLocalData.com Due to the pandemic BestLocalData.com is shutting down on the 14th of May. We have more than a 100 million records of Key Executives all over the world. We hope that this Data will serve other companies to succeed in their marketing efforts. We have reduced all the prices to next to nothing on our website BestLocalData.com We wish you the best in your future endeavours.

Eloisa Espinal

Hello from SendBulkMails.com, We have a special limited offer for you to send unlimited emails. We allow non-permission based emails and you won't ever get blocked. We also buy your domain for you and give you a clean IP and setup your DNS records. Check us out on SendBulkMails.com

Ebony Gladman

Hello from order-fulfillment.net, Doing your own product shipping or order fulfillment in house? Tired of it? Visit us on www.order-fulfillment.net We can store, inventory, and manage your drop shipping / order fulfillment for you. Based in the US for almost 2 decades - we ship around the world and will save you time and money. Who would be the best contact at your company to discuss? Here are some of the items we ship for clients: -Books, training manuals, guides -New member welcomes boxes and gifts -Product samples -Marketing materials -Medical program test kits -Follow up gifts to clients, leads, and prospects Thank you! Fulfillment Warehouse https://order-fulfillment.net

Gordon Kleiber

Are you looking for the best way to market your business? FbCourses.net has the answer.. Not sure where to start, or what to do? Why not learn from the best. All of the best. We are offering at never before seen prices all of the top courses for one insanely low price. If you have been thinking of how to generate more leads, website traffic or sales today is the day. All courses are available in full with immediate download on FbCourses.net Not sure which one you like, for the next 24 hours we are offering the entire suite of courses for the lowest amount you could possible imagine. Check us out : FbCourses.net You could be driving new income or starting the new side hustle today!

Lily Bugg

Hello, It is with sad regret to inform you that BestLocalData.com is shutting down. We have made all our databases for sale for a once-off price. Visit our website to get the best bargain of your life. BestLocalData.com Regards, Lily

David Mathis

We at BestLocalData.com has been hit badly by Covid-19 and as a result BestLocalData.com is shutting down. We provided the best data to companies to find their right customer base, we don't want other companies to go down the same path we went and go out of business. As a result we are providing our data till the end of the week at the lowest possible prices. BestLocalData.com

Carmela Robison

Hello from order-fulfillment.net, Doing your own product shipping or order fulfillment in house? Tired of it? Visit us on www.order-fulfillment.net We can store, inventory, and manage your drop shipping / order fulfillment for you. Based in the US for almost 2 decades - we ship around the world and will save you time and money. Who would be the best contact at your company to discuss? Here are some of the items we ship for clients: -Books, training manuals, guides -New member welcomes boxes and gifts -Product samples -Marketing materials -Medical program test kits -Follow up gifts to clients, leads, and prospects Thank you! Fulfillment Warehouse https://order-fulfillment.net

Maritza Zepeda

Hello from FbCourses.net Want to pay $0.01 a click? We got you covered. A great team of Global Digital Marketing experts have compiled this list of 13 Best + Free Facebook Advertising Training, Classes and Courses to help you learn and excel at Facebook Ads & Marketing. Thousands of professionals have already benefited from this list on Facebook Training. Regards, Maritza

Abel Macleay

It is with sad regret to inform you that because of the Covid pandemic BestLocalData.com is shutting down at the end of the month. We have lost family members and colleagues and have decided to shut down BestLocalData.com It was a pleasure serving you all these years. We have made all our databases available for $99 (All of it for $99) for those interested. Kind Regards, BestLocalData.com Abel

Indira Balcombe

Hi , I am following up on my message below. Who would I speak with about handling your US order fulfillment and shipping? Regards, Indira order-fulfillment.net ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Hi, Who would I speak with at your company that manages your product shipping and order fulfillment? We are US company, offering warehousing, order fulfillment and drop shipping to our customers since 2005. Here are some of the items we ship for clients: -Books, training manuals, guides -E-com product drop shipping -New member welcomes boxes and gifts -Product samples -Health and Medical supplements -Marketing materials -Medical program test kits -Follow up gifts to clients, leads, and prospects Do you have some time to discuss - phone / email ? Thanks, Fulfillment Specialist www.Order-Fulfillment.net

Salvatore Chauvin

Hello. Need leads for your business? We have a limited offer where we sell almost 400 million executives around the world in 165 countries for $299. Or you can buy your country individually for $99. www.SunDataGroup.one

Odette Stauffer

We have an amazing database of leads for you. All countries are $99 and you can buy the entire world 165 countries for $179. This offer is valid till Friday. www.SunDataGroup.one

Monserrate Pedroza

Hello. It is with sad regret to inform you we are shutting down. We are selling our entire leads database 366,295,395 Companies / Executives. for $179 All countries are $99 and you can buy the entire world 165 countries for $179. www.SunDataGroup.one

Javier Kortig

Hi from Order-Fulfillment.net Who would I speak with at your company about any of your order fulfillment and drop shipping needs? My company Order-Fulfillment.net can warehouse, inventory, and manage your drop shipping / order fulfillment for your customer orders. Based in the USA for almost 2 decades, near major USA air and sea ports. Here are some of the items we currently pick, pack and ship for clients: -Books, training manuals, guides -New member welcomes boxes and gifts -Product samples -Marketing materials -Medical program test kits -Follow up gifts to clients, leads, and prospects Thank you! Fulfillment Warehouse Order-Fulfillment.net Drop Shipping and Order Fulfillment Specialists since 2003

Marilynn Staggs

Hello from SunDataGroup.com We are selling leads from around the world. I thought your company could benefit from it. You can visit our website www.SunDataGroup.com to see some of our data. We have a special offer running. All our databases for $99.

Mamie Binkley

Hey! Get all the leads you ever need. We have a special offer running BusinessLeads101.com. Stop paying Facebook and Linkedin and get a once-off solution. Regards, Mamie

Maude Parr

Hello, My name is Johan, I am a PHP programmer that specializes in data driven web applications. Anything related to PHP, MySQL, Data scraping etc. If you have any custom jobs you can add me on skype to discuss your requirements. Skype: cmsdevelopers Regards, Johan

Elise French

Hi , Who would I contact at your company that handles ordering your logo products, t-shirts, and promotional items? For over 20 years we have been creating and supplying our clients with all their custom logo merchandise. We can put your logo onto anything including: -Custom Printed T-shirts / Hoodies -Pens -Mugs -T-shirts -Bags -Banners -Table Covers -Key chains -USB flash drives ---plus 350,000 other items! We also offer PPE items such as hand sanitizer and masks. Are there any upcoming projects that you need logo items for? Thanks in advance for your time. Regards, Elise Custom Branded Product Specialist

Jefferson Satterwhite

We have a one time limited offer. 366,295,395 Leads for $20! BusinessLeads101.com!

Johan Fourie

Hello. For the first time ever we are offering our contact marketing software to companies. If you have a B2B product that you would like to promote via contact forms or our dedicated email servers service feel free to contact me on: Skype: cmsdevelopers Telegram: https://t.me/custommarketing2 WhatsApp: +27 72 280 1952 Phone: +27 64 210 1993 Regards, Johan Fourie

Dewayne Wegener

Hey, want to send unlimited emails monthly? 1) Clean IP 2) Domain 3) Full Cpanel access Visit us. www.tinyurl.com/MarketingUnlimited

Amparo Nisbett

Hi from Order-Fulfillment.net Who would I speak with at your company about any of your order fulfillment and drop shipping needs? My company Order-Fulfillment.net can warehouse, inventory, and manage your drop shipping / order fulfillment for your customer orders. Based in the USA for almost 2 decades, near major USA air and sea ports. Here are some of the items we currently pick, pack and ship for clients: -Books, training manuals, guides -New member welcomes boxes and gifts -Product samples -Marketing materials -Medical program test kits -Follow up gifts to clients, leads, and prospects Thank you! Fulfillment Warehouse Order-Fulfillment.net Drop Shipping and Order Fulfillment Specialists since 2003

Carmelo Braund

10,000+ High-Quality eBook Super Pack WITH FULL UNRESTRICTED RIGHTS You get instant access to a stunning collection of 10,000+ high-quality evergreen ebooks of unique PLR content created around hot trending topics such as internet marketing, health, fitness, self-help, social media, making money, etc. https://tinyurl.com/10kEbooks

Patrice Gipson

Hello! Limited Time Offer - Complete LinkedIn Leads - $49 https://tinyurl.com/LinkedInDatabase

Adalberto Ross

Hey, are you starving to find the right leads? CompanyLeads.org has launched a limited time offer that covers all the countries in the world. At $149 once-off you get access to over 300 million leads categorized, targetted and ideal. Instant access and delivery. Visit CompanyLeads.org Regards, Adalberto

Elke Chan

Need Business Leads in 152 countries? We are having a shut down sale! tinyurl.com/ShutDownDeal

Ralf Bogen

Find new customers for your product or service by automatically contacting them with your personal message via automated contact form submission. You can submit any kind of content. $99 per 1 million please specify which countries you prefer the rest will be made up of the rest of the (closest) countries if there isn't enough. You can contact me on telegram: custommarketing2 skype: cmsdevelopers Buy it here: https://shoppy.gg/product/mYmRfLu

Constance Harman

Life is a blueprint of successful chances and opportunities. Those who win grab these opportunities as they pass by.. https://bitcoinbillionare.me/

Yvonne Raker

Buy 100k Visitors on hugi.io. Boost your ranking in google and search engines. Your website, a product, you name it! Offer is Valid till 4 February 2022. https://marketingguru.sell.app/product/100k-visitors

Myles Breeze

Want to Rank No.1 on Google for your business? We can put hugi.io as the first result everytime! https://cutt.ly/No1OnGoogle

Lacy Wooldridge

Hey. https://datalist.biz/ has made available its databases for the first time to companies. Please visit us for our limited time offer. https://datalist.biz/

Mozelle Frost

Hi, Who would be the best contact at hugi.io to discuss your 3pl, Order Fulfillment and Drop Shipping needs? We are based in the US and offer 3pl, Order Fulfillment, Drop Shipping and Logo Products since 2005. Here are some of the items we ship for our clients: -Books, training manuals, guides -E-com product drop shipping -New member welcomes boxes and gifts -Product samples -Supplements -Health and Medical supplies -Marketing materials -Medical program test kits -Follow up gifts to clients, leads, and prospects Do you have some time to discuss - phone / email ? Thanks, Order Fulfillment Specialist Florida, USA

Liliana Hazon

Hey. https://datalist.biz/ has made available its databases for the first time to companies. Please visit us for our limited time offer. https://datalist.biz/

Ouida Woodd

Hey. https://datalist.biz/ has made available its databases for the first time to companies. Please visit us for our limited time offer. https://datalist.biz/

Korey Crowder

Hi, Who would be the best contact at hugi.io to discuss your Order Fulfillment, 3PL and Drop Shipping needs? We are based in the US and offer warehouse services, Order Fulfillment, Drop Shipping and Branded Logo Products since 2005. Here are some of the items we ship for our clients: -Books, training manuals, guides -E-com product drop shipping -New member welcomes boxes and gifts -Product samples -Supplements -Health and Medical supplies -Marketing materials -Medical program test kits -Follow up gifts to clients, leads, and prospects Do you have some time to discuss - phone / email ? Thanks, Order Fulfillment Specialist Florida, USA

Latoya Lysaght

Hello, It is with sad regret to inform you that DataList.biz is shutting down. We have made all our databases available for you at a one-time fee. You can visit us on DataList.biz Regards. Latoya

Debbie Jensson

Hi, Who would be the best contact at hugi.io to discuss your Order Fulfillment, 3PL and Shipping needs? We are based in the US and offer warehouse services, Order Fulfillment, Shipping and Branded Logo Products since 2005. Here are some of the items we ship for our clients: -Books, training manuals, guides -E-com product drop shipping -New member welcomes boxes and gifts -Product samples -Supplements -Health and Medical supplies -Marketing materials -Medical program test kits -Follow up gifts to clients and prospects Do you have some time to discuss - phone / email ? Thanks, Order Fulfillment Specialist Florida, USA

Windy Seevers

It is with sad regret to inform you DataList.biz is shutting down on 25 March 2022. We have made available databases per country for all companies available.. You can view our samples and download databases instantly on our website DataList.biz

Tegan Seaborn

It is with sad regret to inform you that companyleads.org is shutting down. We have made available over 300 million records for $149. Regards, companyleads.org

Leonida Handy

Hello. We are offering Bullet Proof SMTP servers that never get suspended. Email as much as you want. DMCA ignored, bulletproof locations, 100% uptime guaranteed, unlimited data transfer, and 24/7/365 support. 100 Spots available. BulletProofSMTP.org

Percy Etienne

Hello. It is with sad regret to inform you TopDataList.com is shutting down. We have made all our databases available for you for a once off fee. Visit us on TopDataList.com

Patty Mosman

Hello, from CustomData.info we are a provider of unique databases that could help your business. Please visit us at CustomData.info to see if we can help you. Regards, Patty

Gonzalo Truax

Hi, my name is Gonzalo from TopDataList.com We are ceasing operations on TopDataList.com and have made our leads available at a discounted price. Visit us on TopDataList.com Regards, Gonzalo

Tjáskiptaðu þínu eigin tjáskipti í tjáskiptin